Shake it Out - Florence and the Machine
It seems that society has been duped once again! I am re-thinking long held beliefs that were fed to me via media and scientists and the medical profession. Now instead of being a "given" there has appeared a second view point. The issue is Shaken Baby Syndrome.
A lot of people have gone to jail as baby-killers. Moms and Dads have had to deal with that stigma and suffered the consequences in the prison hierarchy system for what may be a serious miscarriage of justice. It made sense to the gullible public - babies were dead. The medical profession showed us how the brains of these tiny angels were bleeding from the force of being bashed back and forth into the skull. I recall one demonstration of a ball in a jar being violently shaken to illustrate the concept. Of course when you see these tiny souls against the over-powering adult, well the sympathy goes to the helpless. Being a parent myself, I can certainly understand a parent being so over-whelmed and frustrated that they can pick their child up and indeed shake them. Thankfully I read the Barbara Coloroso book Kids Are Worth It and learned that it never killed a child to cry so if you feel over-whelmed put your child in a safe place (like the crib) close the door and walk away - until you have calmed yourself down.
Now instead of blindly assuming that every baby either dies from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) or SBS (Shaken Baby Syndrome), lets look a little deeper. If you have ever seen a re-creation of SBS, you have seen an adult holding the infant underneath the arms in the chest area. Certainly if you are going to shake something that has the muscular flaccidity of a wet noodle, you have to hang on pretty tightly. Being fragile with soft(ish) bones, there really should be bruising or broken or fractured bones from the force of the grip exerted. I figure if you are frustrated enough to shake a baby, you are going to want to hang on until you feel some satisfaction. Some of these tiny victims have no such evidence of being held in such a manner. Additionally, there are other reasons for a baby to exhibit brain hemorrhage. Besides possible medical conditions, did you know that a normal vaginal birth can cause brain hemorrhage? While they are trying to drum up support for their cause, the activists don't think to mention that.
The point is that we can't just go around assuming that because one child dies at the hands of abuse that all children who die unexpectedly are in fact abused. I heard of a story recently of a young teenage couple who finding themselves pregnant did all the right things to provide a family life. He quit school and got a job to support his girlfriend. They secured a tiny apartment and just in time. Twin girls where born prematurely and weighing approximately 1 1/2 pounds each they had a myriad of health problems and spent about the first 15 weeks of their life in hospital intensive care. They weren't allowed to even go home until a day nurse was in place to check on the still very sick children. Then one day as dad was home waiting for the nurse to come, one of the babies had to be rushed back to the hospital where she died. The cause of death was cerebral hemorrhage. Dad was charged and sent to jail. There were no other signs of abuse or neglect of the part of either of these young, very concerned parents. 18 years later, his surviving daughter doesn't know him and doesn't want to get to know him.
Then there was a married couple with three children. While playing, an older sibling landed hard on the head of his younger sister. The child suffered a hemorrhage but survived. Shaken Baby Syndrome was deemed to be the cause and since the officials were unable to determine which parent was at fault, all three of the children were removed from the home. This, despite the fact that none of the children exhibited other sign of abuse. Additionally when a fourth child was born, it was taken by Children's Aid before even leaving the hospital. After years of fighting and at a great financial expense, the parents were eventually re-united permanently with their children with no charges ever being filed. Despite the lost years and the trauma caused to the children who fear that if they get a bruise they will be taken away again, it is a happier ending.
I don't think that anyone believes that SBS does not exist and that some infants have died at the hand of their parents because of it. I just think that we have to keep our eyes open to the possibility that not everything we are told is the "be all end all" story. I had put all these parents and care-givers in the same mold. It's just too easy to assume that when a baby dies someone has to be at fault. In our zeal to protect the helpless we may be hurting a lot more than just the accused. How many families, how many lives have been shattered by more than the devastatingly traumatic death of a child.
For anyone who does abuse children, pursue them and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law and then throw them in with the general prison population and let nature take its' course. I have no sympathy for anyone who because they feel superior abuses anyone be it a child or an adult. There is another word for abuser and I think it is time to make that connection. The punishment, the laws, and the societal views should see it as equal.
ABUSER = BULLY
BULLY = ABUSER
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