Thursday, July 28, 2011

Fake It til you Make It

www.pinkpantherfan.ca

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6fhgqviIOs

It's funny where hope comes from. It's the little things. Deep down in the rational part of my thoughts I know that I am a survivor and it will take a lot to take me out. But the scary part is that the one thing you always here about suicide victims (and yes I believe they are victims) and that is that their actions were a cry for help. Well, for me who doesn't know how to ask for help, who has learned not to expect help, who is afraid to ask for help for fear of rejection...I understand the drastic measures that leads someone to cry out in such a dramatic fashion. The difference being that from the depths of despair - I had someone come into the dark place where I was hiding and helped me to see the light. People did what they could based on circumstance, distance and ability. Some helped me to stand, some offered comfort, some offered support, some put on the gloves and took up the fight on my behalf. I thank you all. But I can't get too hopeful, because if I do and get knocked down again...I don't think I will ever be able to get up again. It is getting hard to find that hope within myself that lets me see...

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